My Cup O' Chai

I secretly hope he’s gay.

I think… I think I have a problem. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship (if you could even call it that) for over 4 years. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… I simply haven’t found anyone in that time that I was compelled to commit myself to. Fair enough. The problem is I’m afraid I don’t know how to be in a relationship anymore. I see so many of my peers experiencing relationships and gaining all this knowledge about them—knowledge that I won’t have. I feel like I’m so far behind the pack. And I’m afraid when I finally do meet someone, the relationship will be doomed to failure because of my ignorance. I try not to think about these things too much because I really do enjoy this single life. It’s so… comfortable. It’s so freeing to not have to deal with the drama a boyfriend can bring. BUT. I don’t want to be single forever. And I fear I’ve cheated myself out of some valuable lessons by not getting involved. Thing is, I’m really reluctant to jump back into the dating world. I feel I don’t belong there… not now, anyway. And I find myself looking for reasons to not give guys a chance…

He asks too many questions.

He’s really annoying. And a couple inches too short.

He’s a cornball.

A few weeks ago I decided to step out of the comfort zone and actually gave a guy my real phone number when he approached me at the market. He called a few times and I answered a couple of them. We made small talk before I found some excuse to hang up. Then he asked to hang out. And suddenly I started picking him apart on every superficial level I could think of: He mumbles sometimes; I need him to speak clearly. And he probably approaches girls on the street all the time. I’ll bet he’s gotten, like, 15 more numbers since getting mine. And did his shirt have a hole in it? Cuz I think I remember a hole…

So now I don’t answer his call anymore.

It wouldn’t have worked anyway though. I just know it. I can already tell.

::Sigh:: …self-sabotage sucks.

(Wearing: H&M Jacket, Urban Outfitter’s Shirt, Forever21 jeans)

The thing about Summer is everything feels lighter to me. My attitude, my clothes, my makeup… well, not that I wear that much makeup. I try not to anyway. I don’t do foundation, but concealer is an old friend. Anyway, in Summer it’s too hot for that. Why waste the makeup when you’re likely to just sweat it off? Gross. I used to kind of dread the thought of going without makeup. I distinctly remember one night in particular… my sister was visiting me at college and there was a fire drill at like 3 a.m. I threw on a hoodie and grabbed my makeup tube before heading outside. The whole time, I was hoping I wouldn’t run into any of my friends. I didn’t want them to see me without makeup. Upon re-entering the building, I rushed into the public restroom on the first floor to apply a quick coat. My sister was standing behind me while I did this, watching in the mirror as I frantically applied the concealer. I could tell she wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure what to say exactly. It was only after I paused and said a very agitated “WHAT?!” that she stopped staring. It was… sad, really. I’m happy to report that I’ve outgrown that stage now. I find myself admiring the effortless/carefree look much more so than glam. Not that anything’s wrong with glam… it just has to be in it’s place. Nights out with the girls, painting the town red—that’s the place for glam. But summertime-sun on the beach, relaxing with a good book while the waves crash in? This skin suits me just fine, thanks.

(Wearing: H&M top and shoes, Macy’s tights, Forever21 necklace)

These tights are a little flamboyant for me, so I tried to ground them with this black & white top. I’d prefer if this shirt were just a smidge longer because leggings are NOT pants and should not be treated as such. But I thought I could squeak by just this once. I’m also hoping you’ll disregard the hair… just this once. I got caught in the rain today and didn’t have the energy to do anything about it after. Matter of fact, I haven’t done anything with it all week because of this crazy heat wave we were having (90+ all week!). I decided last month that I was through getting my hair permed/chemically straightened and the struggle I’ve been having this week only adds fuel to the fire. I just don’t have the energy to maintain straight hair anymore. I’m not going to do a “Big Chop”—which is basically cutting off all your hair and starting over. I’m more of a gradual change kind of girl, and that would be far too drastic. I’m just going to let the perm grow out and clip the ends as it does… at least, that’s the plan.

(Wearing: Old Navy dress, Express sandals, Macy’s Tote)

I rarely shop in Old Navy—The only thing I remember buying there prior to this purchase was flip flops. That’s how I stumbled upon this dress; went in for some flip flops and caught sight of this little lovely. What drew me in was the neckline. I love the square-ness. So now I regularly pop in, hoping I’ll find something else that strikes my fancy. No luck just yet.

The tote is one of those “free gifts” you get for spending a certain amount at the makeup counter. My mom has a million of them, so I don’t think she’ll mind that I stole—errr, ummm, borrowed— this one.

Simple outfit for a simple lady.

I kinda always knew the day would come where I’d lose contact with the people I’d loved the most at one of the most important and exciting times in my life. My college friends were my family when I was away from family. Our lives revolved around each other and we evolved together. It really was the best time of my life (so far).

I remember some nights I’d just lie awake and think this won’t last forever… enjoy it. I would literally run my fingers along the wall, just to feel something real in that moment, knowing that someday in the near future, it was all gonna be gone. Many nights spent partying at clubs or just chillin’ in someone’s dorm/apartment, I’d just step back and observe, imagining my future self longing to have those moments back. And now that time is here. I’m only recently realizing that there actually is life after college (go figure). And it can be just as amazing…

But it’s off to a rocky start. I spend a lot of time just missing people, missing the past, missing my friends. And I want to pick up the phone and call, but… it’s never the same. Phone conversations can be so… awkward.  I’m not the most brilliant conversationalist, so at the first sign of dead air, I’m squirming inside. I feel like it’s my fault. Like I’m boring them to death. I’ve actually gone so far as to write out conversation topics beforehand, ya know, just in case ::smh::. I love talking to my friends on the phone, but I hate it. I rarely have anything new to report, and when I do, a lot of times I get the feeling that it’s not nearly as exciting to them as it is to me. That happens a lot, actually…

So I don’t call. And I don’t text. And I don’t write. I just… miss them. We used to think we’d be able to link up every few weeks, but we’re scattered all over the state. It’s just not realistic.

The good news: whenever we do reunite, it’s just like old times. And the inside jokes and ROFLMAO moments and the helpful advice and all that other good stuff is still there. And it reminds me why I love these people so much… And why I maybe need to start putting a bit more effort into keeping them in my life.

(Wearing: Express top, Macy’s shorts, H&M bangles)

Nevermind the horrible faces I’m making in the pics… sometimes it be’s like that. This ensemble isn’t necessarily the most “beachy”, but this was kind of an impromptu trip and I didn’t feel like changing since the day was almost over anyway. **Sigh** I remember when I first laid eyes on this top in the clearance bin at Express and fell in love… then left the mall because I was being a cheapo and didn’t wanna spend $7… then promptly returned to the mall because I couldn’t let this one pass me by. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not the biggest fan of the pattern-mixing trend. However, I was sold on this one. Two of my fave prints in one simple top? C’est l’amour.

Anyway, it is with deep regret I inform you that the generation is officially LOST. Why, you ask? Well… because the kids are now bringing GUNS TO THE BEACH. I know… crazy, right? I always thought beaches were synonymous with fun times and relaxation. They’re like… sacred places. That’s almost like bringing a gun to church. And then I hear that a local beach was recently shut down because of instances of shooting and fighting. I’m sad, angry, and confused at the same time. We’ve really gotta do better.

(Wearing: H&M cardigan, Express shirt, Forever21 jeans, Boots from Santa, Owl Broach from old jewelry box).

Just a regular, everyday-casual outfit I wore out on some errands. I haven’t worn this shirt in forever. I love looking through my closet and finding old pieces that can work with new items. The shirt is sheer and designed for warm weather, but it’s easy to keep wearing summer clothes all year round (well, tops anyway). No need to re-do your whole wardrobe just because the season changes… Maybe I’ll do a post about it.

(Wearing: H&M top, Macy’s leggings, Grandma’s necklace, Mom’s earrings)

I wore this to a funeral yesterday, but I’m sure it would be fine for everyday wear too. The top didn’t seem dressy enough so I tied a belt from some shorts around the waste and made a cute little bow in the back. I put on 2 pairs of thick tights because it feels like Antarctica outside.

This necklace is my baby and I absolutely adore it. Not sure where my Granny got it from or how long she had it, but as soon as I saw it, I fell in love. I wear it around the house a lot, just for kicks. At first, I was worried that the earring/necklace combo was too matchy-matchy, but I needed the accessories to stand out since I was basically a plain, black slate.

(Wearing: H&M cardigan and striped tank, Forever21 jeans, belt from Grandma’s closet)

Today’s Lesson of the Day: Don’t leave your lipstick unattended when a 2 year old is in your midst. Because it may end up on more than just lips (e.g. hands, shirts, walls, doors, etc.).

For a person who’s wary of wearing stripes (because I’m convinced they don’t flatter my shape) I certainly own a lot of striped shirts. I guess it comes down to the fit more than the print. I remember I fell in love with this tank on sight at the store and couldn’t wait to wear it with black. Something about that red/black/white color combo appeals to me. It can be so sophisticated!

Note: Please disregard the mess surrounding my mirror. It’s been a lazy few days. :-/

(Wearing: Macy’s sweater vest, H&M T-Shirt, Forever21 jeans) 

Best way to get on an 11 year old boy’s last nerve? Get in the way of the TV when he’s playing video games. :-)

I went to my nephew’s basketball game yesterday. Nothing too serious. I don’t really love the fit of this t-shirt… it was a lot better in the fitting room at the store (darn that lighting). But I was too lazy to return it and I’d already decided on wearing it, so I threw the vest on over it. The earrings are one of my faves… I found them in an old jewelry box. Jungle-chic, no?

Meh. Whatever.

(Wearing: Express shirt, Forever21 jeans & chain [as bracelet], Boots from Santa, belt from Grandma’s closet)

Aaaaaannnnnddddd, I’m back. Almost forgot about this blog! Oops.

Anyways, I went for an MRI yesterday (just randomly). I woke up kinda wanting to dress up… not “dress up” as in going to a banquet (obviously); I wanted to dress up for Halloween!!! BUT… I’m not that crazy. So this was my subtle attempt at wearing a costume. Cowgirl it is. I just got these boots and I wanted to show them off a little bit, so I wore them with this black/gray combo to let them stand out. The belt (that you can barely see) kinda helps tie it together, I think.

When I came back, my niece Kayla insisted on painting my nails. Fun.

Oh, and before I forget… DON’T BE SHY ABOUT COMMENTING!!! I saw that I’ve been getting some visitors. Don’t know how you found me, but I’d love feedback (which is why I added the comments thingy). And obviously you’re welcome to follow as well, if you so choose. I’m gonna start putting more effort into this. I mean, why waste the cyberspace? …And it’d be lovely if you came along for the ride :-).

(Wearing: Grandma’s sweater, Forever21 tights & chain)

I wore this on a shopping trip so comfort was key. There’s nothing worse than walking around stores for hours and your feet are killing you, or your jeans are too tight, or something else uncomfy is happening.

…On second thought there are worse things, but… that still ranks pretty high on my list.

(Wearing: Lola vest, Forever21 t-shirt & jeans & chain).

This is about as close as I’ll get to mixing patterns. I know pattern-mixing can be alright as long as you keep them in the same color palette, but that’s just not my cup o’ tea.

This t-shirt has a really great cut-out pattern in the back, but the whole “you can see my bra-strap” thing never appealed to me either, so I almost always wear this shirt with some kind of covering, be it a jacket, vest, or blazer.

…I just noticed I keep mentioning things I don’t like to do when it comes to fashion, yet I’m doing them anyway. Hmm. ::Kanye shrug:: Oh well.